I’m all for local news in print; a lot of poor smelly people don’t understand the scary world outside of their own two-bit shit tip town, nor do many of them want to. Giro please. What I’m saying to you is this: how can we elevate their expectations if low-rent local papers like The Ellesmere Port Standard continue to pander to the ill-educated bleeding heart mentality I thought we’d seen the last of when Esther Rantzen’s pitiful Hearts of Gold left our weeping TV screens.

Take this week’s cover story titled Little fighter McKenzie loses battle: Brain disorder claims life of brave little boy. There’s nothing enjoyable or funny about a small child popping his clogs in most (I won’t say “all”) circumstances, but do we really need to make him out to be some sort of hero for the sake of the old Post Office queue spinsters and lazy, jobless benefit sponges who have nothing better to talk about? You’ll notice also that the “Little fighter” bit isn’t in inverted commas, which tells us this is an editorial decision to impose a forcefully emotional overtone and not a quote from someone close to the boy.

Call me callous, but how much bravery does it take to die of a brain disorder, especially when you’re blatantly too young to even comprehend either the situation you’re in or the very notion of death itself? Substitute “brave” for “innocent” and we’ll talk. Until then please refrain from such sentimental bullshit. I spent a good one pound twenty on these cornflakes and I’d rather not sick them back up quite so soon after breakfast.