Shock Docs Abdulla and Asha

The two NHS doctors accused of masterminding last year’s failed bomb attacks on Glasgow and London “sought wholesale murder” Woolwich Crown Court heard today. Bilal Abdulla, whose arse was thoroughly handed to him outside his burning car at Glasgow airport by folk hero John Smeaton, stands accused of preparing the explosive devices inside a number of cars at locations throughout Scotland and England, all of which failed to detonate. His accused partner in preparing the devices Kafeel Ahmed died later in hospital after receiving burns during the Glasgow plot.

Mohammad Asha stands accused of masterminding the attacks, providing planning and “behind the scenes” support for the dastardly plot which could have claimed many innocent lives. The trio were apparently motivated by what they saw as the unfair treatment of Muslims throughout the world by British military forces.

Now, call the Top Banana stupid, but surely as doctors these men need not really have gone to such lengths in order to strike fear into the heart of British society. There are two important points I consider today in light of this case:

a) Given the number of foreign doctors working in the British NHS, Asha, Ahmed and Abdulla need only have martyred themselves in so much as allowing a raft of patients to die in order to cause widespread fear and panic. Imagine the number of ignorant old colonialist dears on waiting lists for surgery by a quack with an even vaguely Muslim-sounding name. The NHS would have practically ground to a halt as people refused crucial treatments, all the while demanding that the staff in question “go back where they came from”. All that palaver with mixing chemicals, outfitting cars and blowing yourself up seems like awfully hard work to me.

b) If Asha and Abdulla are sent down for a stretch they will be unable to enjoy the proposed remake of cult 80s song and dance classic Footloose, which will apparently star Zac Efron.