Desperate for tit: Chinese infant craves bazooty

Dairy products across all ranges are being removed from shop shelves throughout China today. The move follows recent reports of infant death related to both fresh and dried milk products, and the revelation today that 10% of liquid milk from three Chinese dairy firms was found to contain traces of melamine.

There have been alegations that the chemical, most frequently used in the manufacture of plastics, may have been added to increase the apparent protein content of the milk after dishonest distributors diluted it to increase profit.

Worried punters have spoken to the press of their dismay at the withdrawal, asking how they are now supposed to feed their infants. The Top Banana wonders when a) Chinese women forgot they had breasts and b) at which specific point the Chinese started caring enough about their children to not just ditch them in the gutter anyway.